How to survive "Lost" Homework?

     We've all done it. We've all been awake staring at the blank page of a 6 page essay in MLA/APA format, 12 point times new roman, double spaced, annotated bibliography and 5 sources (not Wikipedia). It's 1am and you just spent the last 24 hours watching the Netflix original series "Stranger Things" eating popcorn out of your backwards hoodie bowl. I'm not judging, I have been there. So how do we survive this disaster forged in our own procrastination.
Here's how we do it.

     Step one: Likely you've had weeks possibly a month do do this. Or like my sister you are in the elite programs of your school that excel in causing students to rip out their own hair which they then use to make hats for their cats.. These programs often encourage teachers to hand out difficult assignments weekly. Now evaluate your situation. Ask three questions; What time is this due? Will the grade of this really hurt me? Lastly, how much does my teacher like me?
      If the answers were "Today", "Yes" and "No" respectively then we will start there. If you still plan to attend the class in which the assignment is due I suggest E-Mailing your teacher before class starts telling them that your computer has malfunctioned and that you will have to email the assignment to them once the problem is resolved. I do not suggest doing this every time. They will catch on.

     Step 2: It is easy to pay someone to write the assignment for you but at great risks. So let's say you are going to pull the dreaded all nighter. Formatting is the first thing to worry about, as often your instructor will worry more about format and grammar than content. They have seen a lot of bad papers so they will worry about your technical skills. Keep that in mind as you write.

     Step 3: Write the introduction and conclusion paragraphs first. This will help you keep in your head a consistent idea for the next few hours of writing. Remember a paragraph consists of 5 to 7 sentences. Try to meet 7 each paragraph (or more) as you are filling space rather than focusing on the information itself.

     Step 4: Find one very good source ( one you can pull tons of info from) and however many other sources you need. Next write your bibliography (annotated or not), this will help you organize the information you will be using. (I really like "easybib.com" for my last minute essays.) Even if you only use one sentence from each source.
     Note: If you use Quotes rather than paraphrases on your paper you will help your mind by working it less for the parts you have to come up with.

     At this point you're possibly thinking, "Wait a second, you're just telling me how to write a paper. I need to know how to get out of writing that paper". To which I respond, "Yes, don't worry I'll get to you".

     Step 5: Motivate yourself. This won't be easy. You know what else isn't easy, binge watching every episode of Naruto. There are like 400+ episodes, how am I supposed to do that? So go on Pinterest (10 minutes only, set a timer if you have to ) and look up ways that you can motivate yourself while studying or doing homework. I like the gummy bear one. The point is to find a way to keep you on task if you need that. Ultimately depending on the size and content of the essay you can whip it out in no time.

     Step 6: If you don't want to do it at all. You need to sleep because you have practice after school or maybe you have friends coming over. Either way, you know in your heart that you can't do the paper and won't, but you really really can't get a 0 on the paper. You can try explaining to your instructor that you really need an extension on the date. Have someone write it for you. Copy and paste from somewhere (seriously don't do that one). Or you can do one simple trick. Hand in a different assignment for another class. When your teacher asks you later about it tell them it was a simple mistake. You have bought yourself time to write it and turn it in later.

     I hope you have completed this terrifying task in your life with ease and with an air of satisfaction. That is how you survive "Lost" Homework.